10 Brutally Honest Things Everyone Should Know Before Getting Married
Marriage is a wonderful thing and everyone knows a real marriage
needs work, compassion and compromise to be successful.
However, with divorce rates at a record high, how much do we really know when entering into married life?
Without fully knowing what married life
entails and the reality that we are faced with once the wedding is over
and life carries on, we are often left to face any difficulties without
the full knowledge of how marriage affects us and can lead to self-blame
and ultimately the break up of the marriage if things don’t quite go
according to how we envisioned them to be.
If you’ve just entered
into married life or you are just about to, here are 10 honest secrets
about marriage that you should know.
1. That First Flush of Love Won’t Always Last
pretty obvious one that you may have heard countless times. But how
many people give up on marriage because they feel the spark has
disappeared? It’s often hard to imagine that love you feel for someone
will ever go away but sometimes you have to fall out of love to find out
what the real meaning of love is which isn’t necessarily infatuation
and a Hollywood happily ever after.
Be prepared to reach a stage that feels a lot different to the beginning and know that it doesn’t mean your marriage has failed.
2. Love Grows In Different Ways
With that in mind, we need to
understand that love grows in different ways and can come in many
forms. You don’t need to be infatuated with someone to be in love with
them or have a successful marriage.
Real love takes time and
effort and needs a lot of cultivation to allow it to flourish. People
often believe they are either in love or they’re not, dismissing any of
the stages in-between. Let the marriage take its own course and don’t
over-analyse bad patches or wonder whether you love your partner enough
when things may start to change.
3. The Attraction Won’t Always Be There
peace with the fact that you may not always be attracted to your
partner. Physical attraction is important in our image-conscious society
and often if we don’t find someone attractive then it can’t work out.
In a marriage this can bring phases of doubt about whether this means we
don’t love them anymore.
Attraction levels can change in long or
even short periods of time so don’t panic and question your relationship
whenever this comes up.
4. You’ll Need To Show Love Even When You Don’t Want To
aren’t always going to go smoothly – that we all expect. However, it’s
easy to revert to almost childish ways when our partner is perceived as
being difficult or hurtful in some way. When we’re in those sorts of
situations, our feelings of love can wane and we are reluctant to show
it but for a marriage to survive long-term we need to swallow our pride
and still show acts of love even when we don’t want to. So make them
that cup of tea after an argument or still do the errand they asked you
Small acts of pettiness can cause all sorts of resentments
both with yourself and the other person which only etches away at your
unit. Always remember you’re a team.
5. Married Life Is A Journey
you’re married you may feel like you’ve achieved the ultimate goal but
marriage is challenging and there to help you grow and flourish, not
just as two people but for yourself.
There will be tough times
that will be designed to trigger every negative and positive emotion you
have within you but those emotions are there to build you up, not knock
you down. Done right, you can reap the rewards marriage has to offer
and can teach you countless ways to grow as a person.
There may be
times when you take every ounce of you not to walk out of the door and
give up. But there’s so much we can learn from going right to the edge
and bringing ourselves back.
6. Just Because A Marriage Needs Work Doesn’t Mean It’s Doomed
you grew up with parents who had a loving marriage then you are more
likely to carry those expectations into your own marriage but be
prepared that not all marriages are the same. If you compare your
marriage to others it will only cause stress and disappointment if yours
doesn’t match up – but this doesn’t mean your marriage is any less or
More often than not, other people’s marriages may look
perfect from the outside but very rarely are. Try to keep this in mind
when it comes a time that you feel your marriage needs work.
7. Having Children Will Cause Stress On The Marriage
all know having children is a wonderful yet difficult period in a
marriage. It will put a strain on even the best of marriages so it’s
important to expect this and act accordingly. Make sure you nurture and
find time for the marriage outside of having children to remind yourself
why marriage was important to you in the first place. Ignoring the
marriage is very easy to do when a child is taking up your time and
effort so counteract this by making extra effort to spend time together.
8. Physical Love Needs To Be About Connection For It To Last
really important to remember that your sex life is a vital way to show
love and appreciation to one another. It’s about learning to give and
receive in a loving and connected way and not a way to gain power,
security or validation. If connection is the core basis, then sex is
less likely to wane throughout the marriage but it’s also something that
will change over time and that’s okay. Remember to be honest and open
9. Successful Married Life Can’t Survive Without Communication
and honest communication is key to a successful marriage. Secrets and
pent-up emotions will only cause destruction in the end. Learning how to
put your feelings and emotions to your partner in a constructive and
non-blaming way will not only unburden you and make you happier but will
eliminate stresses in the marriage and keep it open and honest. This
doesn’t always come easy and naturally so be prepared to work on it
which may mean doing some work on yourself.
10. Never Believe Marriage Will Make You Happy
most important point is our belief that being married will somehow
complete us. We can put a lot of pressure on married life being the key
to our happiness when it should only be looked at as an added bonus to
our own already-established happiness. Nothing outside of us can make us
happy, it has to come from within.
Marriage can become
problematic when we get married and realise it hasn’t made us any
happier in the long run and can often lead to marriages being a
disappointment and eventually break up. Make sure you are truly happy
and release the pressure put on marriage to bring happiness to you.